This post really is just a way for me to put to paper what is going on in me so that I can address it, attack it, and move on- an accountability post that I will get it in check. For the last several months, I have just been in a funk, I have no better way of explaining it. I believe it has gotten worse because I have not attacked rather, tried to hide it. My hiding of it has not been as success according to my family. I have spent the last two weeks dissecting what I feel is causing the funk I am in so here goes, I will work to improve each one of these in the coming months.
- I have not been traveling. Traveling has been my escape, my reset, and we have not been doing it. While there is no reason at all I cannot travel by myself, I haven’t and have instead made excuses and deflections.
- I don’t really have the extra funds to travel
- My partner is in school and busy so we cannot travel
- My daughter has softball games so I need to be there
- My daughter needs a car in college so I need to set that up for her
- I have not been running which has historically been my release from stress and has been my time to think. While I have not stopped running completely, anything, and I mean anything can keep me from it. Rain, even a small drizzle, heat, cold, and early meeting, a late reception, and even Netflix, yes, anything and everything is derailing me. Since I am not working to stay in shape, I am gaining weight, this makes me feel blah. Feeling blah, makes me not want to run or go to the gym. See the vicious circle I have going on here?
- As much as I love to cook, I love eating out, trying the new place on the block and in turn socializing with my daughter, my partner, my friends, or colleagues. Won’t bore you with that circle but it is much like points one and two.
- Health things- I was recently diagnosed with adenomyosis. Not a debilitating disease but something I have to deal with. While I was going through various tests and awaiting results or the next round, this naturally cause me to over-think things. As part of the one things to address this, I am trying out hormone therapy which just has me all over the place- weight, moods, you name it.
OK, there it is, on paper for you and I. Will addressing any one of these items snap me our of it? Maybe not, but acknowledgement is my first step. Everyone wants to help someone in a funk but sometimes, a little self-awareness is what is needed, this is my case. I work well with order, plans, and putting ideas in motion. A reset, time to formulate that plan is what I need. More to come. Thanks for reading my accountability post and my first step on being a better version of me.