friends- an unconventional guide

Anyone who I call a fiend is truly that, a friend. I don’t really have a best friend or best friends, I have friends and I am honored for anyone that calls me a friend. For those that are my friends, there is one thing I told them all from the beginning- I am a terrible friend. I am. I will not hide it. I am not the friend that you will talk to all the time. I am not the friend that you brunch with every Sunday. I am not the friend that will tell you something just to make you feel better. I am however, that friend that will be there when you really need it.

See, I started a family at a young age and did not really form or build lifelong friendships from my childhood. I was consumed in caring for my daughters thus leaving the “friend” thing an afterthought. At the same time, I was working to grow my career. While I can appreciate the trials and tribulations of some career paths, there is really nothing like growing in a hospitality career. I was tired. I was juggling a career, family, and at some point, trying to sleep.

As I grew older, I have gained a few girlfriends in my life, I cherish them so very much. These relationship are different from my open relationship with my parents, my greatest friend truly is my other half, and my daughters have grown to be the best friends anyone can ever have. I have also been lucky to pick up some amazing people who are friends of my partner since grade school.  I was driven to write this post as I have seen my daughters so through similar things, even anxiety because their friends want them to do or be something they are not or don’t necessarily want to do.  With that being said, I think we are too hard on ourselves trying to be the ultimate friends and should take a step back and follow this unconventional guide:

  • Respect each other’s time and commitments- how terrible are you if your friend is trying to build a relationship with a significant other and you are all in the middle of it being needy? Stop- don’t be that girl (guy). Give her the space, when that relationship is in a good place, you will get that time with your friend.
  • Respect alone time- sometimes we need time to decompress and want alone time.  I have seen my daughters go through this where their friends get upset with them when they want to just veg out and be alone.
  • Don’t be jealous- I have been victim to this. I spent time growing my partner relationship then got jealous when my single friends were hanging out together without me. WTH? Yes, I did, for no reason, don’t do that.
  • Don’t mistake acquaintances for friends
  • Be wary of “work friends”, enough said.
  • Catching up is the best part- if you area always together and talking what do you have to catch up with, it is so fun.
  • Find the best way to communicate- I hate talking on the phone but I will you need me but this is certainly not preferred, period.
  • Don’t try to make someone fit your “idea” of a friend- basically setting someone up to fail at being your friend.

Friends, true friends, are rare and should be treasured.

 

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24 thoughts on “friends- an unconventional guide

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  1. So true. It becomes especially important to cherish and put time into your friendships as you get older – when significant others and kids are vying for your time. Lovely post!

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  2. On point! From my experience, “work friends” are not really friends, and sometimes you have to learn that the hard way. True friends are very scarce, and they prove themselves when the time comes. Great read!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a a really nice post. I can totally relate with you so much because I spend a lot of time with my family (I have two toddlers) and growing my career and sometimes I feel I am not being a good friend since I don’t have a lot of extra time to go out with girlfriends. When I do have the extra time, I would rather spend it with my husband to go on dates or whatnot. Having real friendship doesn’t mean you have to see or talk to each other everyday. I

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  4. I have a best friend who I have known since I was days old. We have both always been there for each other. And I have my husband, and my sister. Besides that, I don’t really have a large collection of friends. I know the people who will be there for me, and that’s what matters. My focus right now is my children as they will always come first.

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  5. Wonderful! I’ve loved your unconventional guide! I very much agree with it, especially with “Be wary of “work friends”, enough said.”
    I really enjoyed reading your article, I like your style! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is great advice — I can’t agree enough about being wary of work friends. Also, I have to add not to neglect your friends while you build a romantic relationship. It’s true that friends need to respect that you’re trying to build this new relationship, but it’s healthy for you and your new relationship if you establish early on that your friends are also a priority.

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  7. Ahhh, so refreshing! Great reminder for everyone. One thing I realized early on was not trying to stay friends with people just because they like me. Seems simple but sometimes it can be a slippery slope!

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  8. I have never heard of the thing about being wary of work friends. But I think I have experienced the downside of that more than once so I understand where you are coming from.

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  9. This was a really nice read. I totally agree with what you are saying, especially having a friend that is always being needy and selfish, and not understanding my needs to accomplish something.

    Like

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