Self awareness post.
I have come to a realization at this point in my life that it is my own fault really that I have to do things- plan, execute, etc. This post is a self-awareness post and part of me just dealing. I am the same way at work as I am at home, I do it all and control it all, then I have moments of frustration when others around me don’t! What??? Yes, it is true, as crazy as that sounds.
To start, I am a bit of an enabler, I want everyone around me to be happy and successful. In my cycle of encouraging and supporting those around me, I get sucked into the cycle. I plan because I assume others don’t have time to because they are working on or doing. I execute, because I figure I made the plan because they didn’t have time so and how will they be able to execute. In the end I am unfairly harsh to those around me. They are enjoying something because I made it happen. Jeez, see it now?
At home, I am terrible at communicating what I want because I am concerned about others being happy with something. Those somethings are as simple as what we are going to have for a meal and as complex as a vacation with a lot of moving parts. On occasion if I do leave this up to a member of the household and it is not executed, I brush it off and do it myself, no accountability. Why would anyone in the house do anything when everything is done for them. At work, I am a much better communicator and I do hold those around me accountable, very close to the same level I hold myself accountable. Self awareness moment alert… I am my own worst critic so I quickly hold myself accountable for results or lack thereof, with others, I am more tolerant however have learned how to address quickly and not let it get to a boiling point.
Not sure why I don’t say what I want. Sometimes, I really want something or to do something and I don’t act. Then, I am not pleasant to be around because I am sulking at the fact, but no one even knows what I wanted to begin with. Amazing really. I have worked on this over the past few years and honestly have improved tremendously but clearly still have work to do.
Here’s to speaking up!