I have been in the hotel industry for 24 years, I can honestly say, I spent so much of my career just trying to fit in. You can view my LinkedIn profile, you can review my resume, you can see the success and I still constantly, as a stand out, was working to just fit it. I look back now and think if I would have put as much energy on growth as I did fitting in, how much further would I be. This is my advice to young women starting out in their careers, STOP- just be you and don’t try to be someone else or model yourself off of them.
The desire to fit was evident in so many ways, there are too many to list but here are the big ones. I learned how to play golf, yes, I did, I am not even a fan of golf. There were so many men leaving the resort to go play golf in the midst of the day. When they returned with their stories and decisions made on the course, I felt left out. Why should they go to the course and enjoy while I was holding down the fort? I was most disheartened when even males of lesser positions than the one I held were invited along. So, I signed up with a pro and learned. Later, once they realized I actually knew how to play I was invited but I still struggled with the financial commitments of the sport that were covered for some men- lending of clubs, I needed to buy or rent, situations like this.
Whiskey, I learned about it. I am not a fan of scotch/whiskey, never was, and I am not really one today. I dedicated learning what to order, how to order, all about casks, etc, etc, etc. I have always been a sports fan so that was not a stretch however, football pools, participated in those. The list can go on and on. I would feel emotional and would stay in the bathroom until I got myself together and I would not show that I was bothered even though at times I was hurt on the inside.
I would love to tell you that now, none of that matters and that it doesn’t happen any more but it does, not to the extremes of what I described but it is still evident in the day-to-day. Even now I do not want to seem emotional, or too direct, or overly caring, or aloof. I worry about this all of the time while my male counterparts seem just be who they are. When they are direct, they are strong, when they are emotional, they are caring, and so on. While I have not, thankfully, been the victim sexual harassment or the sort, I have had to battle perceptions of females in the workplace. Women in general feel they need to fit in or mold themselves to the environment and not stand out.
Working in the hotel industry I am excited and encouraged by the number of females that are representing higher roles. In my current organization that is evident from the top down- CEO, President, VP of Strategy, to Guest Service Agents and everything in between, however not everywhere. I still also see the struggle for women juggling work and home while that same stress is not evident to many males in the industry. I realize that struggle made me stronger and able to deal with most anything that is thrown at me. On the outside, I looked like I had it all together and on the inside I was a mess. Listening to my daughters describe me as always having it together, achieving success, and making it look so easy I decided to model that and make it a reality.
Looking back on all of it now while my path to success was not terrible, it was not easy. I believe the struggles and strides I made are paving the way for a new generation of strong women in the workplace that can just be themselves and work toward success in their own way.
Great post. Seems like you grew a lot and found out some stuff about your self. I have never played golf before, only at a driving range! it was fun.
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I think working there have seen a lot and you may have a better opinion of life or experience of dealing things. I agree that the struggle for women juggling work and home is difficult
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Sometimes, I think it’s better to not try and fit in. Because that way, you’ll never truly be happy. You should do what you feel is right for yourself and what your heart truly wants rather than what you think other people expect of you. I think this applies, regardless if it is related to your career! Your happiness is always first and foremost.
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It’s the most beautiful thing in the world to stay true to yourself, but, as it happens, sometimes we need that we HAVE to fit in, because of jobs, because of boyfriends, because of friends. I’ve been there myself, luckily not anymore 🙂
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It’s so hard to find the balance between trying to fit in and being yourself sometimes. I’ve tried both in the workplace, and neither one seems better than the other. I guess it just depends on the situation.
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It sure does!
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I love how honest you are, I soaked in all of your words and I can totally understand and imagine doing the same. It’s wonderful to come out stronger and share your advice with others!
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Thank you!!
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Love this post! I’m still fairly early in my career but definitely have had times where I felt like I needed to fit in!
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Hang in there, it does get better!
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Thank you for sharing your experience and advice. Finding the balance between fitting in and standing out is key. Both are important to be successful in any career, but yes, as you and Stephanie mentioned, it’s not always so easy.
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Thanks so much, it is a fine line. This post was a personal one and it is nice to see the feedback.
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This reminds me of a quote about how tough it is to be true to you in a world that is always trying to change you.
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Adulting is so difficult right? Be different. Fit in. Don’t stand out. *sigh* when will this end.?
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It’s so frustrating how much more difficult it is for females in the workplace. I watched my mom go through it just a decade ago, as her male coworkers earned more than she did, even in lower positions. And even now, as a mom, I struggle to balance work and family. I don’t know if it will ever get better in my lifetime, but I hope so.
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I admire you so much and appreciate reading your story. You have struggled a great deal to show that women are equal so that maybe a younger generation will be able to just feel at ease and not feel the judgement that we have in the workplace as women.
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It seems like you’ve learned a lot on your journey. It’s not always easy but there is a lot that can be learned from struggles.
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What a great, honest post. I really enjoyed reading it, and loved the pics that went along with it. Keep it up!
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The Hotel industry is a challenging career. As a lifelong Chef I know how hard it is to run a hotel
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It’s great articles for getting fitness,
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I am not the fit in type of girl. It’s difficult enough to try and juggling work with all other aspects of your life. I believe in being myself and letting others fit around me.
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